I want you to think back to who you were as a child. Maybe you can’t remember that far back. Get out your family albums and check yourself out. Were you a happy toddler, making friends with everyone on the playground? Were you despondent and quiet, pouting in the corner? Or were you the asshole who hated to share?
I have a theory about people when they drink. Folks automatically revert back to who they were when they were three when they get drunk. I was a hyperactive, happy child- everyone was my new best friend, and all I wanted to do was frantically dance to my New Kids on The Block VHS and tear the heads off of my dolls. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was a wistful, sad kid, and when he drinks, you can often find him curling up in bed hysterically crying while watching Marley and Me or pouting in the corner of the bar. My dad, on the other hand, is a generous, hysterically funny drunk. My mom was the opposite.
As a bartender, it is your job to babysit your drunken three olds. Little Timmy who hated sharing as a child is going to think everyone in the bar is trying to steal his girlfriend away, while ADHD Boy is going to be buying rounds of drinks for everyone that he cannot afford. Thinking of your patrons as children that need babysitting is a good method for keeping your customers happy and under control.
That’s all for now my drunken monkeys, until next time…
- C
