HOW TO BE A REAL WOMAN
Roll your own cigarettes.
Your best friend ought to be your dog.
If you drop a five hundred pound motorcycle, don’t be a bitch. Pick it up.
Get you some.
Only wear heals if you can outrun a raging gorilla while wearing them.
Pack a knife. And a bottle opener.
Don’t be scared.
Don’t be weird about sex. Just do it.
Don’t be nervous.
Don’t ask other people for money.
Take care of other people when they are sick and broke.
Don’t think about the future.
Deoderant causes alzheimers.
Don’t ask to borrow someone’s truck. Use your own truck.
Clean your carburetors.
Don’t befriend any woman that is uglier than you and has a button on it. Only befriend women who are pretty and don’t give a shit, or are ugly and don’t give a shit.
Don’t give a shit.
Burn the evidence. Don’t bury it.
If everything goes wrong, call your dad.
Be loud.
Keep in mind that in the end, only you and your pickle are getting out of this town alive.
